Chapter 85

Jayden was showing Grandma how to play Candyland. She kept skipping ahead. When she drew the gingerbread man, she tried to ignore it rather than putting her boy clear back on the gingerbread man. Jayden was working hard to teach her the right rules. Dad always made sure they followed the rules.

"Are we almost finished?" Grandma asked brightly. "We can get a cookie as soon as the game is over."

"No, Grandma. We finish up here," Jayden said, pointing to the end of the trail. There were still turns and turns left before they finished the game. "We have a cookie now."

"Not until the game is over," Grandma said. "How about we say the game is over?"

Jayden considered this, then shook his head. "We follow the rules."

Grandma took a card. It had one red square on it. She moved her boy, but she went too many squares.

"Grandma, your boy goes here," Jayden said, pointing to the red square she'd skipped.

"My, aren't you smart?" Grandma said, putting her boy on the right square.

"It's red, Grandma," Jayden explained.

Jayden drew his own card. It had two yellow squares. He showed Grandma how to count two yellow squares. "See? Here is one yellow square. One. And now where's two yellow squares? Here it is!" and Jayden put his boy on the second yellow square.

"Should we see if Carson is up from his nap yet?" Grandma asked.

"Carson can't play Candyland," Jayden said. "He's a baby."

"If he's awake, we might need to put Candyland away," Grandma said.

"He's still asleep. It's your turn, Grandma," Jayden said.

"Oh, good," Grandma said, and drew an orange square.

The phone rang and Grandma answered it while Jayden drew a card with a blue square. He got the fidgets while waiting for Grandma to finish the phone call, and peeked at her card. Her card was a blue square too.

Grandma finally finished the phone call and sat back down at the table. "Guess what, Jayden! You have a new little sister! She's six pounds, thirteen ounces and nineteen inches long. Your dad says she has lots of dark hair and a good set of lungs. Isn't that beautiful? I'm so happy!"

"It's your turn, Grandma," Jayden said. "You draw the blue card now."

---

Later that day, after finishing Candyland and eating macaroni and cheese with Carson and Grandma, Jayden put his sandals on while Carson got his diaper changed. Grandma was taking them in the car.

Jayden got in his booster seat and waited for Grandma to buckle him in. He had to wait a long time because Grandma had to chase Carson who scooted off on his fire truck as soon as she opened the garage door. Carson screamed while Grandma tried to get him buckled into his car seat.

"Carson likes to play with his fire truck," Jayden explained to Grandma.

"Yes, he does, but it's time to go in the car," said Grandma, holding Carson down with a hand and a knee while she tried to snap his buckles with the other hand.

"Carson, we go in car now," Jayden told him.

Carson screamed until all the buckles were fastened. Then he abruptly quit fighting and sucked his thumb.

"I have a cracker?" Jayden asked as Grandma buckled his seatbelt.

"I'll go get crackers. You boys wait here," Grandma said.

Grandma went back in the house and came out with the whole entire box of crackers. She gave a handful to Jayden, who smiled in delight at so many crackers, and a handful to Carson, who threw them all on the floor and went back to his thumb. Grandma looked at the crackers on the floor, sighed, and then started the car.

Jayden heard something bonk as the car moved. Grandma stopped the car and got out. By craning his neck, Jayden could see Grandma carrying Carson's fire truck.

"Look, Carson! I see your fire truck!" Jayden said, pointing out the window.

Carson started screaming again, trying to wriggle out of his straps to get to his fire truck.

"He wants a fire truck," Jayden explained to Grandma as she got back in the car.

"We're not playing with his fire truck," Grandma said.

Jayden knew that. They were in the car. But Carson still wanted his fire truck.

"I have more crackers?" Jayden asked.

Grandma handed him more crackers.

Carson exchanged his screams for insistent grunts, and the word "cacker." Grandma handed Carson a cracker. He threw it on the floor and sucked his thumb.

"Look at that!" Grandma said brightly, "we actually made it out of the driveway!"

---

Inside the big, unfamiliar building, Jayden walked next to Grandma with his arms folded. Carson kept trying to run away until Grandma picked him up and carried him. Jayden dropped his good behavior when he saw the buttons on the wall and ran to push them.

"Just push the button by the 'up' arrow, Jayden," Grandma called.

Jayden pushed all the buttons. They lit up red. Carson twisted in Grandma's arms and dove for the buttons. Grandma set him down so Carson could push the buttons too. Carson was doing it wrong. Jayden pushed Carson out of the way with his hip and fixed all the buttons. Carson howled when he finally fell over. Jayden just looked at him, then back at Grandma. Carson should learn to push the buttons the right way and not get in Jayden's way. Grandma sighed and picked up Carson.

When the elevator door opened, Jayden ran to get in. "No, wait, Jayden," Grandma said. "That elevator is going down, and we need to go up."

Jayden was already inside the elevator. The man who was already in the elevator grabbed the door when it started to close. "Oh well," said Grandma, "we'll ride the elevator. At least it keeps you boys confined."

She joined Jayden in the elevator and set Carson down. Carson toddled over and pushed more buttons. Jayden looked at Grandma, but she didn't say anything to Carson. Jayden pushed more buttons too.

"Boys, quit it," Grandma said in her tired voice.

Jayden never could understand why grown-ups didn't like pushing buttons, especially when they lit up in such bright colors, but he quit pushing buttons.

Eventually, they got out of the elevator. After Grandma talked on the phone, a door opened into a big hallway. Carson took off running. Jayden held Grandma's hand. Eventually, Grandma carried Carson again. They went to a door, knocked on it, and went inside.

"Mom! I find you!" Jayden said, dropping Grandma's hand and running to the bed, where he stopped. The bed looked strange, and so did mom. It didn't look like it was quite safe to climb on the bed and hug mom. Mom patted the bed. Jayden climbed up carefully and sat next to her.

"How's my boy?" mom asked, kissing and hugging him.

"We play Candyland with Grandma, and push buttons," Jayden said.

"Sounds like fun," mom said. "Do you want to meet your new baby sister?"

Jayden nodded. Carson grunted as he tried to climb up on mom's other side until dad picked him up and plopped him next to mom. Mom put her arm around Jayden, and dad put a blanket-wrapped bundle in Jayden's and mom's arms.

"This is your baby sister," dad said. "Her name is Chloe Alyssa, and we need to be very soft with her."

Jayden looked at the baby, then at dad and mom. Carson was sucking his thumb and examining the buttons on the bed.

"Soft baby," Jayden said solemnly, and bent down to kiss her hair.

---

Brian checked his email every even hour, at 8:00, 10:00, noon, 2:00, 4:00, 6:00, 8:00 and 10:00. He turned off the computer completely between times so he wouldn't be tempted to check his email any more often. Every time he checked his email, he had to pray to forgive his family, even if they hadn't sent him anything, because just looking at his inbox brought up all the pain and futility of trying to communicate with his family.

A couple days ago, he'd noticed he wasn't getting anything done because he was spending his entire day checking his email, and worrying about the next time he would check his email. That's when he'd come up with the two hour schedule, and so far it was working. He got at least one good hour for every hour he spent looking at his inbox and then praying until he didn't want to travel through the computer and shake some sense into his sisters.

Another thing that was helping was deleting all the email from his family without reading it. Crystal certainly didn't have anything new to say. He'd read several of Heather's increasingly injured emails before deciding there wasn't much point in trying to respond to her either. His mother hadn't sent him anything in days. So far, he'd deleted four emails from Crystal that day, and one from Heather. He'd only read the subject lines, which was enough of a kick in the stomach without reading the emails. Then he went and forgave them in lengthy prayers. Forgiveness was getting easier with practice. He was getting a bit of vindictive pleasure out of forgiving them. They would never admit that they needed forgiving; they would both insist that he deserved everything they said to him. By forgiving them, he was claiming they were doing something wrong, even if they would never agree with him. There was a certain strength in claiming their behavior was wrong, regardless of what they thought of their behavior.

After dinner, Brian booted up the computer for the 8:00 p.m. email check. He looked at bills stacked on the desk while the computer whirred and clicked itself back to life. He brought up the email first thing, like ripping off a bandaid. He deleted the email from Heather without even noticing the subject line, except that it contained the word 'coward' in it.

There was an email from Eric Masters, Crystal's husband. He'd never emailed before. Brian had copied him on the original email to Crystal, but he hadn't seen Eric's name on any of the email exchanges since then. He toyed with the idea of deleting it, but the subject line said "Update on Lee" which sounded calm, not the hysterical accusations he was getting from Crystal and Heather.

Brian opened the email.

---

To: Brian Anderson
From: Eric Masters
Date: July 30, 2010
Re: Update on Lee

Hey Brian,

I get the impression that Crystal hasn't been telling what's going on, even though I know she's sent you a bunch of emails. Would you do me a favor and forward her emails to me? I'm going to need them in the upcoming custody battle to show the judge that Crystal isn't going to get Lee any help at all and I should get full custody, especially over any medical or disciplinary issues.

I'm sorry to say this to you, but your family is crazy. The police interviewed Lee, and he spilled everything. Then he tried to tell me and Crystal about it, and Crystal went ballistic on him. I finally just packed him up and took him to a hotel. It took me days to coax him to talk again. The police came back for more interviews.

Your Uncle Cliff got arrested a couple days ago. I don't know what all is going on at your parent's house. I only come home for a few minutes at a time when I need to grab something else. Crystal yells at me about kidnapping her son, and I only found out about Cliff by accident. I bet she didn't want me to know, or maybe she's pretending it hasn't really happened. To be honest, I just want out of the Anderson family. I kept thinking that if I kept my mouth shut and went along with things, I could handle it. You hit a limit, you know? I'm out, and I'm taking Lee with me.

I don't know if this will mean anything to you, but I'm sorry about what Lee did to Hannah. He told the police all about it. Not to excuse Lee, but it turns out your Uncle Cliff has been molesting him for years, whenever he lived with your parents. That's where he learned what he did with Hannah. I'm sorry. I could kill Cliff with my bare hands, and I can only imagine how you feel about Lee. I'm going to get him some help. I've talked to the police, some victim's advocates, and Children's Protective Services. I hear all different things about whether or not he can ever get better, but he's my son and I have to try.

If you're as crazy mean as the rest of the Andersons, just delete this email and don't reply. I've had as much as I can take from your sister. But even if you are crazy, I wanted to tell you I'm sorry about what Lee did to Hannah.

Sincerely,
Eric

---

"Maria!" Brian hollered. "Come read this!"

Noah followed Maria to the office, and Brian shooed him away to get ready for bed while Maria sat down at the computer. When she finished reading it, she stood up and hugged him.

"Yeah," Brian said shakily.

"Has Crystal been sending you emails?" Maria asked.

"Yeah," Brian said.

"You haven't told me about them," Maria said.

"I try not to think about them," Brian said.

"Why don't they care about right and wrong? I mean, Crystal has to disbelieve her own son in order to believe there aren't any problems. How can they do that?"

"Lots of practice," Brian said. "You learn to talk yourself out of seeing problems, and think that smoothing things over is more important than solving a problem. Then you convince yourself that the appearance is the truth."

Maria leaned her head on Brian's chest. "I used to do that."

---

To: Eric Masters
From: Brian Anderson
Date: July 30, 2010
Re: Update on Lee

Eric,

I'm relieved to get your email. I was really worried about Lee. I don't hate him. I hope you can get him some help. We probably won't see much of you guys for a few years during Hannah's recovery, and after that we'll have to see how things go. She'll start working with a therapist next month.

That's rough about Crystal, but yeah, you need to get a divorce to get Lee out of there. I've deleted most of her emails, but I'll send you whatever I've got left, and anything new she sends my way.

Keep in touch every so often, when you can. Lee's just a kid, and he's got his whole life ahead of him. Don't give up on him, and let him know that we're going to pray for him and hope he can get through all this.

Brian

---

Brian reread the email. It sounded cordial, but not quite friendly. He didn't want to divulge any new information to Eric, like the fact that they knew Uncle Cliff was the source of the abuse. Anything he said could get shouted out during a family fight, and he didn't want Eric to have anything his family could use as ammunition against him. He was protecting Eric as much as he was protecting himself. If they thought Eric was going behind their backs to collaborate with him, they'd, well, if there was a way to escalate their cruelty, they'd find a way to do it, even if Brian couldn't imagine anything worse than what they were already doing.

He clicked the send button, then shut down the computer until his 10:00 p.m. email check. He started his well-practiced prayer of forgiveness before realizing that he wasn't upset at all. Having even one person validate what he'd said was so comforting and affirming that he didn't feel hurt or angry at all. Instead, he prayed for Eric and Lee.