Bibliography

I am not a social worker or therapist. I read a lot of books, and am curious about motivations and relationship dynamics. If you are interested in reading more about the personalities and problems illustrated in The Jello Belt, I recommend the following books:

Why is it Always About You? The Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism, by Sandy Hotchkiss, LCSW (Free Press) 2002. Carly Simmons has Narcissistic Personality Disorder. It isn't a mental illness; it's a dysfunctional way of seeing yourself and relating to others. There are several different combinations of problems that are classified as narcissism. I gave Carly two main characteristics from the seven listed in this book: (1) She is incapable of recognizing or acknowledging that she is wrong; and (2) She is incapable of seeing other people as real individuals who are just as important as she is – instead people are merely props in her life. There's a full essay on Carly coming in my next post.

The Right to Innocence: Healing the Trauma of Childhood Sexual Abuse, by Beverly Engel, M.F.C.C. (1990). Brian's problems and journey towards recovery came from the information in this book. The most surprising part of this book, for me, was the information about how a family typically reacts to someone claiming incest occurred. The reaction of Brian's family (complete denial) is actually not out of the ordinary, although there are occasional families willing to accept the truth and help the victim.

The Heart of Addiction, by Lance Dodes, M.D. (Harper Collins 2002). This book explains the psychology underlying addiction. According to the author, it isn't the substance that causes the addiction, i.e., not everyone who sees porn becomes an addict; not everyone who tries cocaine becomes an addict; not everyone who drinks is an alcoholic. Instead, it's the addict's need for the substance that causes an addiction. This book explains what that need is. The book doesn't deal with addiction caused by abuse, although I did use the ideas in it to provide a framework for Brian's addiction. Essentially, abuse is simply a more intense trigger for addiction than the more prosaic situations that Dr. Dodes describes. If you know an addict and you're tearing your hair out wondering why someone would do something so destructive, you ought to read this book. It won't solve the addiction, but it will tell you why they're doing it.

Anatomy of Anorexia, by Steven Levenkron (2001). Stephanie Simmons is bulimic, not anorexic. I borrowed the psychological pressure that contributed to her eating disorder from this book. Eating disorders share many underlying motivations with addictions.

The Emotionally Abusive Relationship, by Beverly Engel (2002). Carly Simmons is emotionally abusive towards her family. Or if you think "emotional abuse" is a foggy, touchy-feely term, let's just say she's unrealistic and dense, and it's causing problems in her family. See especially chapter 8, about how certain personality disorders simply create an abusive atmosphere because the person is incapable of relating to other people in a healthy manner.

The Dance of Anger, by Harriet Lerner, Ph.D. (Harper Collins 1985). This book is about setting boundaries in relationships. It doesn't deal with abuse or addiction, but is aimed at relationships where both parties are rational and can control their behavior. Amanda Grayson's conflict with her mother are the sort of issues this book helps with.

I Don't Have to Make Everything All Better, by Gary and Joy Lundberg (2000). This book is about listening to people without fixing their problems, and then letting them fix their own problems. If Brandon's father had used the listening and validating techniques in this book, Brandon might not have quit Church. Or he might have quit anyway. Brandon is an adult with a chip on his shoulder, and his parents aren't to blame for his decisions.

Codependent No More, by Melody Beattie (Hazelden Foundation 1987). Maria Anderson did not end up nearly as codependent as she should have after living with an abusive husband who was also an addict for so many years. Maria was actually quite healthy emotionally, other than a tendency to cover up her husband's problems and confusion about her feelings. Most women in her situation would likely have much deeper issues. Anyone married to someone with a really stubborn problem (abuse, addiction, mental illness), can develop codependent thoughts and actions.

I don't have a book to recommend about rape recovery, Tracy's storyline. I interviewed the director of a Rape Crisis Center. She explained why women frequently blame themselves for being raped. She also told me that it can take women years to recover fully. Tracy's twenty-year healing process is on the long end of the spectrum. Not all rape victims take twenty years to recover. But it also isn't unusual for a rape victim to bury the problem for many years before finally dealing with it.

There isn't any one book that addresses Danna's character and problems. Her response to the sexual assault came from both the interview with the director of the Rape Crisis Center, and The Right to Innocence. Danna also has some co-dependent traits developed in response to her emotionally abusive mother. I also started a book about the children of narcissists called Trapped in the Mirror: Adult Children of Narcissists in Their Struggle for Self, by Elan Golomb (1995), but it was so bleak I couldn't finish it. None of the people in the case studies got better. Ack.

It would have been nice if Danna could have rejected her mother's bizarre ideas and developed healthy faith and attitudes, but it wouldn't have been realistic. Danna is only a teenager. It's going to take an adult perspective and distance to fully separate her mother's values from her own. As Trapped in the Mirror illustrates, even adults aren't always successful in rejecting a parent's harmful attitudes. Danna's departure from the Church is actually a step in the right direction because it will give her the distance to relearn what real faith is. Stephanie isn't going to leave the Church; she's going to adopt her mother's version of it. The seeds are there for Danna's redemption, but these things take time and maturity.

I'll write a sequel in a few years.

I tried to come up with a few paragraphs about what writing this book meant for me, and they all sounded lame. I can't write insightful non-fiction essays. That's why I wrote a novel instead of an ordinary blog.

I've got one more post about Carly, and then I'm taking maternity leave, and letting my carpal tunnel symptoms fade. Does anyone want to write a post about their thoughts on The Jello Belt? Pretend it's a book club discussion. You can send it to me at thejellobelt at gmail dot com and I'll post it (we'll stick to the Mondays and Thursdays publishing schedule since everyone is used to it).

I'll keep you updated on getting this published as a book. That's a slooooow process, and this book isn't exactly the genre and type that is going to be snapped up by a publisher. If I can't get it published through ordinary channels, I'll self-publish it. Eventually it will be a book. However, that means I'm going to take the book off the website, since I doubt a publisher will think it's a selling point to have the entire text available for free on the Internet. Please don't try to download it, copy it, or print it before then. I do have a copyright on the text, and I promise to get it to you in book format eventually. Besides, it's 500 pages. That's an entire ream of paper. Don't do that to your printer!

Thanks for reading!