Chapter 89

Spencer Simmons was already feeling churlish even before he noticed how many weeds were in the flowerbed. Was it too much to ask that his wife and kids help out with the yard work once in a while? Apparently, it was. Stephanie would do the weeding if he asked her, but he wanted Yancy and Austin to do it. Carly spoiled their sons too much. They needed to learn the value of hard work and sweat, and that meant yard work.

His sons wouldn't be so soft if Carly liked camping. Spencer grew up camping and hiking. Carly had gone along with it while they were dating, but put her foot down when her daughters were small. Camping was dirty, and took too much work. She didn't like bugs or eating outdoors. They didn't need to camp. Spencer should have stood his ground and insisted they go camping. Instead, he had two boys whose only camping experience would be with the Scouts. They'd probably get teased about not knowing how to camp. And it was Carly's fault.

The problem was that they'd had daughters first. Daughters were naturally the mother's territory; Spencer stood back and let Carly have her way in everything regarding Danna and Stephanie. By the time they had sons, the pattern was set, and Carly dominated their sons as well. Yes, if only Austin and Yancy were the older children, everything would have been different because he would have been more involved. It was all Carly's fault.

In the short time it took for Spencer to walk from his car into the house, he had identified Carly as the source of everything that was wrong with his family. He felt righteous indignation welling up in him. He needed to make some changes in his family right now, by whatever means necessary. This must have been how Christ felt when he drove the moneychangers out of the temple.

Spencer walked into a house that smelled like chicken enchiladas. The table was neatly set, including napkins and a centerpiece, like it always was. Stephanie was on the couch in the living room, reading a textbook. Video game sound effects came from the family room. Danna, as usual, was nowhere to be seen.

Carly was bustling around the kitchen, finishing the salad and putting the jam and butter on the table for the rolls. Spencer put down the satchel he carried to and from work, and went into the bedroom to take off his tie. Carly called everyone to the dinner table.

Danna blew into the house just as they were sitting down, yanked out a chair, and plopped into it. Without saying anything to anyone, she folded her arms for the prayer and let out a jaw-cracking yawn.

"Danna, would you say the blessing on the food?" Carly asked her.

Danna continued her yawn.

"I'm the family patriarch; I'll call on someone for the prayer," Spencer said testily.

"It would be nice if Danna participated more in this family," Carly said pointedly.

"And it would also be nice if you respected me," Spencer shot back.

The surprise on Carly's face was visible.

Spencer called on Stephanie to say the blessing on the food.

After Stephanie blessed the food, Carly picked up the serving utensil and asked Spencer, "shall I serve you first?"

"Thank you," Spencer said, holding out his plate. Carly dumped a chunk of chicken enchilada on his plate.

As Carly continued dishing up chicken enchiladas, Spencer asked Austin, "did you pass off all the Second Class Scouting requirements last week at camp?"

Austin shrugged. "Most of them," he mumbled around a mouthful of enchilada.

"Are you a First Class Scout now or not?" Spencer asked him.

"Nah, he failed the part of the Scout Law that says you have to be brave, clean and reverent," Yancy contributed.

Austin hit him.

"And the parts about being friendly and kind," Yancy added.

"Yancy, if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all," Carly told him.

Danna choked on her roll and emitted a sound that was suspiciously like a laugh before smothering it with a drink of water.

"Yeah, Yancy, shut up for the rest of your life," Austin said.

"Mom, this salad is really good," Stephanie said.

"Are you a First Class Scout or not?" Spencer asked again.

"I had the most wonderful idea for your Eagle Scout project!" Carly said. "There was an article in the paper today about a group of soldiers coming home from Iraq, and I thought it would be so patriotic and delightful if you worked to put up a monument to them in the city park. So many people went sour on that war after the media conspiracy covered up the truth about the weapons of mass destruction, and it would be so appropriate to find a way to honor the soldiers who freed Iraq and made the world safe for democracy!"

Danna emitted another choking sound.

Austin took such a huge bite that he couldn't close his mouth all the way. Bits of chicken and sauce fell out of his mouth and onto his shirt.

"That's a really neat idea, mom," Stephanie said.

"Maybe they can carve your name in stone next to the soldiers' names," Danna said. "Because being an Eagle Scout is as good as fighting terrorists."

"I think it would look nice to have a little something stating that the monument was Austin Simmons' Eagle Project," Carly agreed.

"I'm trying to find out whether or not he was advanced to First Class rank or not!" Spencer roared. "Would you all please shut up until he answers the question?"

"Dear, there's no reason to get upset. Of course he was advanced. We need to start looking forward to his next accomplishments," Carly said.

Yancy smirked. "No, he wasn't."

Austin hit him again.

"Ow, mom, make him stop hitting me," Yancy said, rubbing his arm theatrically.

"Austin, is that true?" Spencer asked.

"I'm sure it isn't. Of course he finished everything at scout camp," Carly said.

"Would you shut up for once in your life!" Spencer bellowed at her.

The sound Danna emitted was definitely a giggle this time. Stephanie stopped chewing to stare at her father. Austin slumped lower in his chair. Yancy's grin grew from ear to ear.

Shocked, Carly tittered nervously.

"Don't you laugh at me!" Spencer yelled. "I've had about enough of your attitude and the way you run everything around here. You've ruined our boys and turned them into little wimps who can't even make First Class in scouting! You manage to screw up everything you get involved in by being such a control freak. Don't you even listen in Church? You ought to be respecting me and letting me be the leader in our home! Some days, I don't even know why I married you!"

"Dad, mom works really hard," Stephanie started timidly.

"You shut up! This is between your mom and me!" Spencer roared at her.

Stephanie managed to become smaller without moving.

"You git 'er, dad!" Yancy said.

Austin mumbled something about being excused and left the table.

Danna looked towards her mother like a cat at a mousehole, waiting for the comeback.

"How can you say such things to me?" Carly cried out. "I've worked and worked for this family. Everything I do is for this family! I only step in to help you out when you're going to do something wrong."

"Help out? You call it helping out? You run this family like a tyrant, and you're just helping out? Is that it? I don't need your help anymore! I'm not sure I even need you anymore! You're one of the most selfish people I've ever met. You have to run everyone's life, and you do a crappy job of it!" Spencer yelled.

"Wow, dad," Danna said.

"I'm not selfish," Carly said. "I don't try to run anyone's life. I just make suggestions once in a while. You don't understand me."

"I don't understand you?! I understand you perfectly! You've got to have everything perfect, or you make everyone's life hell. We have to have Family Home Evening, feed the missionaries, go to every bloody Church activity ever scheduled, and be ten minutes early for Church every week! We all cave in to you just to make you shut up, and sometimes that doesn't even work. I'm sick of it. I'm sick of you running this family. I'm sick of what you've done to our sons. I'm not even sure I want to be married to you anymore," Spencer vented. He'd been storing up these feelings for so long that once he got started, the eruption was out of his control.

White-faced, Stephanie fled the kitchen.

Danna started clapping.

Yancy crossed his eyes and blew a raspberry.

"You don't love me?" Carly whispered in a tortured voice.

Spencer sensed her weakness and went in for the kill. "You are the most uptight, neurotic woman on the planet. No one could love you."

"And you're not capable of loving anyone else, either," Danna added, triumphantly looking at her dad for support and approval as she joined him in his attack.

Riding the wave of his newfound power, Spencer wasn't going to share this moment with anyone. "Stay out of this, Danna. I don't need your help."

Danna stood up so fast her chair fell over. "She doesn't love me and you don't need me. Tell me something I don't know." She stalked out of the kitchen.

"Hey, dad," said Yancy, the only child left at the table, "if you guys get divorced, will you buy me a Wii so I'll like you best?"

Danna paused at the kitchen entryway. "You know what, dad? Don't get divorced. You two totally deserve each other." And then she was gone.

Carly set down the fork that still had an uneaten bite of chicken enchilada on it and dabbed at her mouth with her napkin, her eyes wide in shattered shock. Then she gathered herself up and picked up her plate and glass. She set them on the counter.

"Will you look at that?" she said with cracking cheer. "Austin didn't finish his dinner. Usually he inhales everything." She cleared Austin's plate and ran his food down the garbage disposal. "I used too many green chilies. Don't you think there were too many green chilies?" Her voice was spiraling higher and higher, out of her reach and out of her control. "I'll make a note to use fewer green chilies next time." She dropped the glass in the sink, and whispered a polite 'excuse me' as she walked out of the kitchen, shoulders stiff.

Yancy pushed his empty plate out of the way and replaced it with Stephanie's. He shoveled a mouthful of Stephanie's food into his mouth. "Someone pee in your Cheerios this morning, dad?"

Spencer sat in the ashes of his eruption. He tried to fan the dying flames by reminding himself that he'd only spoken the truth, and Carly deserved everything he said to her. She shouldn't have gotten so hurt. She should have recognized the truth of what he'd said and volunteered to change and not be so uptight. She should have acknowledged his authority in front of the children. Why had they all run off? They all sat through worse fights between Carly and Danna. They were his audience. Only Yancy was still here.

"Do the dishes tonight, son," Spencer said, shoving back from the table.

"It's Austin's turn! I'm not doing them!" Yancy protested as Spencer left the kitchen.

Spencer didn't turn around.

The Simmonses spent the rest of the evening avoiding each other, or being painfully polite.

As they got ready for bed that night, Carly picked up her pillow and plumped it. "My back is bothering me. I'm going to sleep on the couch tonight. It's softer than the bed."

"Do you need the heating pad?" Spencer offered.

"I'll get it from the hall closet," Carly said.

"I hope your back feels better in the morning," Spencer said.

"Thank you," said Carly, as she left the bedroom and went downstairs.

Spencer sat on the edge of the bed, wondering when the turmoil inside him would die down. He was too keyed up to sleep. He opened the medicine cabinet, and found an old bottle of Lortab he'd gotten after a root canal a few years ago. He popped it open. There were still four pills left. He'd heard that medication became less effective over the years. He'd probably need two Lortab to get the effect he needed. He swallowed two, and went to bed.

Within a few minutes, a welcome haze crept over his thoughts. He felt like he was floating in a comforting fog that blurred all his problems into oblivion. Good stuff, Lortab.

---

Carly put sheets and a blanket on the couch, then knelt down to say her prayers. They were very automatic that night. It's wrong to have a fight with your husband, and Carly felt very self-conscious about praying when she knew she'd committed a sin. But because it was a sin not to pray, she prayed anyway.

After she said 'amen,' she climbed onto the couch and huddled down in the blanket. Now she was totally alone. Everyone else in the house was asleep upstairs. Solitude was safe. She felt the tension in her shoulders gradually ease and the determination blocking the fight out of her thoughts weakened. She hadn't done anything wrong. That was the part she didn't understand. Dinner tonight was delicious; she'd made up the problem about the green chilies. The table was set. Danna came home on time. She'd been thinking about Austin's Eagle project for days; it was natural to mention it when the conversation turned to scouting.

She pressed her mouth into the blanket. Spencer was mad at her for being too good, but that didn't make any sense. How could you get angry at someone who did everything right? Carly's purpose in life was to do everything right so no one would ever get mad at her, and Spencer had changed the rules. He'd said he didn't love her. She was the most perfect wife and mother she could possibly be so he would love her, and he didn't.

Tears leaked out. Carly didn't cry very often because she had such a good life. She was so confused. If only she'd done something wrong, she could repent and change. But Spencer had yelled at her for having Family Home Evening, and faithfully going to Church and Church activities. How could she repent for doing the right things? The tears turned into a steady flow. She tried and tried to be good enough so people would love her, and she still failed. Self-pity was a sin. Now she was sinning, but no one was around to see it.

Her breath caught in a sob. If she was going to sin, she may as well let it happen and repent later. She turned on the crying full force, and felt sorry for herself. No one loved her. She gave her husband four children, a clean house, delicious meals, obeyed the prophet as well as she could, and he still wanted more from her. Maybe tomorrow she would be humble enough to pray and ponder about how she could improve her marriage and parenting skills, but tonight she was going to wallow in self-pity, just like those women in Relief Society whom she despised for saying they didn't even try to be perfect anymore.

After a long time, Carly sniffled herself out. She needed a tissue. It would be uncouth to wipe her nose on the sheet. She'd already bent her housekeeping rules by wiping her eyes on the sheet. She didn't keep tissues downstairs. She'd have to go upstairs to get a tissue and wash her face. She listened, but it seemed very quiet upstairs. She climbed off the couch and crept upstairs.

Light came from under the bathroom door. She paused and listened to the unmistakable sounds of retching. A quick glance around at the bedrooms showed that only Stephanie's door was open. The poor dear must have stomach flu, and that's why she didn't finish her dinner tonight.

Carly was a good mother. She could help Stephanie. She went down to the pantry and fished out a can of ginger ale that she kept specifically for nausea. She poured it into a glass for Stephanie, and added some ice cubes. She took a napkin to set it on, so there wouldn't be a wet ring on Stephanie's night stand, and went back upstairs.

Danna came out of her room as Carly reached the top of the stairs. Her flat stare drilled into Carly's raw emotions. She lifted her chin and defended herself to Danna. "Stephanie has stomach flu. I brought her some ginger ale to settle her stomach." I'm a good mother, she insisted to herself. Danna should see what a good mother she was, to help her sick daughter.

"You're the most clueless person on the planet," Danna said, and brushed past her.

Carly held herself together very carefully as she placed the glass of ginger ale on Stephanie's night table and went back out. She tapped very softly on the bathroom door. "Sweetheart, are you sick? I put some ginger ale on your night stand."

"I'm fine, mom," Stephanie answered from the other side of the closed door. "I'm going to clean up the bathroom a bit and go to bed."

"I can clean it up for you," Carly said. "You should go to bed and get some rest."

"No, I'll do it. It's no trouble," Stephanie said.

"Are you sure? Because I'm happy to take care of you," Carly said, very conscious of the fact that Danna was walking past her and back to her own room.

"I'll do it. You go to bed," Stephanie said.

"All right, sweetheart. You let me know if you need anything. I'll be downstairs." Carly wondered if she should have announced she wasn't sleeping with her husband that night. "My back is bothering me, so I'm going to spend the night on the couch."

"Thanks, mom," Stephanie said.

"I love you, sweetie," Carly said.

"I love you too, mom," Stephanie said.

Carly went downstairs, feeling partially redeemed. Spencer thought she had failed as a wife and mother. No success could compensate for failure in the home. She couldn't have failed because there was no way to make up for failure. Stephanie was proof of her success. She'd raised a daughter so conscientious and thoughtful that she even cleaned up after herself when she had stomach flu. She clung to Stephanie's approval and perfection. So long as one person in the family approved of her, she hadn't failed. Someday the rest of them would see the error of their ways and realize she was right and always had been. And when they did, she would graciously forgive them, because that was the right thing to do.

She climbed back into the sheets on the couch and laid there for two hours with her racing thoughts and dry eyes until she finally fell asleep.