Guest Post

A reader who prefers to remain anonymous sent in her thoughts about the book. Thanks for writing up your ideas, and if anyone else would like to submit something, please send it to me at thejellobelt at gmail dot come.

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I noticed throughout the book that I could see myself in almost every character in The Jello Belt. Because her storyline didn’t end on a positive note, I have been thinking about Carly a lot. My mom has some narcissistic tendencies that I also saw in Carly. Her self-worth seems to be strongly linked to how successful her mom and siblings think her children are. I care less about what my family members think of my children, possibly because they are still in elementary school, but I do care. To some extent all mothers care about how successful their children are, don’t they? Talk for a minute with a mother whose child has been incarcerated and the grief and embarrassment they feel says it all. But I think Carly takes it a bit further than just “wanting” her children to succeed. Her parents’ treatment of Suzanne makes Carly’s perfection (as a person and as a mother) more closely linked to survival. She doesn’t just think it would be nice for Danna to wear the green twinset to Thanksgiving dinner, she fears her parent’s reaction enough that she is willing to leave Danna home alone on Thanksgiving rather than give her parents an opportunity to find Carly lacking. I agree that an entire book could be written about Carly and the trouble that narcissism causes. My older brother has narcissistic tendencies like my mom. Maybe he doesn’t yell as much, but he is very controlling and worries about how his children make him look. So far, his kids haven’t rebelled, but it could get tricky down the road. Carly’s “what an opportunity for me” approach to seeing Amanda’s name on her VT route made me giggle. I have seen that attitude in members and missionaries who don’t consider the feelings of less-active members and non-members when they do missionary work. It’s more like “If so-n-so attends church, I’ll get a gold star!” The Amandas of the world are right to bristle and I loved Amanda’s reaction to Carly, the visiting teacher.

I can relate to Amanda’s feelings of exhaustion with Church membership. I can really get myself worked up over things sometimes. My latest tirade (yes, “tirade” is unfortunately the right word) sounds something like this: “So because I have a testimony of the Gospel I need to spend all my free time making pinewood derby cars?!?” I realize I’m not the most fun person on the planet, and I would prefer a weekend of relaxing at home to one spent adventuring. So I know people disagree with me, but I think there is a lot of fluff surrounding Church membership--scouting, youth dances, ward activities. Add callings and visiting/home teaching and it gets super busy. I had a ward member tell me that her non-member neighbor observed; “I would never join a church that took me away from my home as often as your church demands that of you.” *jump* off of soapbox. . . I think coming from a pushy Carly-esque family, brief inactivity is healthy, like you said about Danna. I didn’t ever leave the Church, but did ruffle feathers. I dated people not of my race, joined the opposing political party, and moved away from home. I’m rooting for Amanda and Brandon! Brandon appreciated that Tracy didn’t put a fancy card on the plate of cookies and thought maybe Tracy wasn’t so bad.

If only members could treat investigators and less-active members more like Tracy does. Her honesty is refreshing. I couldn’t really relate to Tracy’s struggles, although I am sure my head will also swirl when my kids start pining away for members of the opposite sex. I felt like I learned a lot from Tracy’s character. Between Tracy, Brian, and the Segullah blogs, I have come to better understand depression. Before reading this, I hadn’t given it much thought. I have extended family members who struggle with depression, so learning more about depression was a good thing for me. I still don’t know exactly how to talk to someone who has lost a loved one to suicide (a reality for extended family and ward family members) but I am more empathetic about it now.

I saw a lot of myself in Maria because she also deals with what I’m dealing with, or I should say not dealing with. It was upsetting for me to read those history-clearing chapters. I was actually disappointed to learn about Brian’s childhood and depression because, up until that point, I was all set to read about how Maria dealt with it and copy her response in my home. Maybe a 12-step program is in our future as well. . .

I wonder how I’d feel about Nicole’s storyline if I hadn’t lived it. Early in my career as a stay-at-home mom, I had her attitude. I was immature. I do like that Nicole will volunteer as a nurse. I think moms who have time to excel at something other than homemaking don’t mind the homemaking so much. Motherhood and running a household isn’t nearly as glamorous as I thought it’d be when I was a Mia Maid. I was watching a PBS show about early pioneers and learned that it was common to find a kitchen full of dirty dishes in frontier log cabins that had been abandoned. Frontier life was a time in history when women needed to handle all aspects of home life themselves, without help from extended family members, maids, nannies, servants, or slaves. And almost all stay-at-home parents still live that way today—as chief cook and bottle washer.

I’m rereading the book and found this amazing insight today in the chapter where Tracy is decorating for the ward Christmas activity:

"I wonder how Mary felt about laying the Son of God in a manger," Alicia Shaw said, adding another handful of hay to the manger.

"I would have been embarrassed that I didn't have anything better for him," Tracy said.

Alicia nodded. "That's how I would have felt. But you know what? I believe God planned it this way. He wanted his Son born into a rough, dirty situation. Christ makes his own glory. If Mary and Joseph had been rich, and had been able to welcome him with kingly splendor, then we would try and do the same thing. We would try to make everything glorious before we welcomed him in, but that isn't the way he works. He takes our rough, dirty situations, and uses his glory to transform it. That way we know the glory comes from him and not from us. No one is any better than a filthy feed trough until the Son of God arrives."

A wonderful book about humanity! Everyone carries burdens that Christ is willing to bear.